Last night was interesting. At around 11.30 pm, the dog woke up and started growling. I stepped out of the bedroom to find him sniffing at the front door, still growling, his hackles raised. Like all the stupid females in all the stupid B-grade movies, I opened the door to see what was happening and saw a man jump over the gate and run away. Shaken by the sheer stupidity of my move [I wonder what I could have done had he not run away - slain him with my eloquence? Sang him to unconsciousness /death?], I called the dog in, locked the door and waited. He was back in 35 minutes and this time he was accompanied by two other men. By this time, Sparky was barking his head off. I woke up Manju, told her to move to my bedroom and locked her and Khushi in. Armed with a Naga head-hunting spear and accompanied by a huge dog, I took stock of the situation. One man was trying to break down the front door and another had climbed up onto the balcony and was trying to force open the door there. No way on earth could Sparky and I take on more than one man. So I called the neighbours, asked them to turn on all their lights, step out on their respective balconies and shout a bit. Then I called the colony's security office and asked them to send armed guards. The conversation was a bit surreal and, in hindsight, somewhat funny:
R: I am calling from x address. Some men are trying to break into the house. Could you send some armed guards please?
X: Do you know what time it is?
R: Yes, it is 12.20. I need armed guards.
X: We are getting tired of these jokes. This is no time to make poor innocent guards run around the colony.
R: This is not a joke. Intruders are trying to break in.
X: Do you know how irritating it is to get dressed and search out the correct house and then find no trouble?
R [rather softly and slowly] : Do you mean to tell me that after charging such exorbitant amounts for round-the-clock security, your men need to take time to get *dressed* before responding?
X: Ummm... [a nervous laugh].... no sir. Y'see it's so hot..we are all dressed...we just need to put on our shirts and trousers.....
R: So you *do* need to get dressed before moving?
X: Yes sir.
R: Tell your men to get dressed.
X: Yes sir.
[a couple of orders to get dressed, followed by some curses from the undressed guards]
R: Right, take down my address and the directions...
So, your men will be here soon?
X: Yes sir
R: With guns?
X: Well, sir...
R [sighs]: What is the problem *now*?
X: Um, sir, we just have guns..no ammunition, y'see..
R: No ammunition...?
X: Well, sir, we have ammunition. It is a good company...we have everything we need...but....
X: We keep the ammunition locked and the man who has the key is on leave today.
R: Okay. Send your men anyway.
X: Sir, with guns or without guns?
R: Do you have any other weapons?
X: No sir.
R: With guns then.
X: But, sir, we have no ammunition....
R: Yes. I know that and you know that. But if your men can refrain from filling the intruders in on this little detail, *they* wouldn't know it...
That more or less terminated that conversation. By the time I got off the phone, the neighbours had turned on their lights and started shouting. The efforts to break in the house were no longer quite so spirited. Soon I could hear the neighbours shout that they could see the security service vans and the three men ran away at that point.
It took another 15 minutes to thank the neighbours and the guards. The rest of the night was calm. :)
Eko ahem, dvitiyo na asti; na bhooto, na bhavishyati.
- (no subject)